When we are dealing with any kind of stress, we may feel powerless to fix it, yet unable to reach out for help. Studies have shown that having a few true friends relieves our stress levels, and improves our overall health. Yet, sometimes we may believe that reaching out means we’re asking our friends to fix things, and we know that’s not something they can do. So we bite the bullet and try and forge ahead. We forget that it is just the presence of friends that makes things better. We lose some of our stress when we realize we are not alone.

Independence can only take us so far.

In the past several decades, women have grown increasingly independent, and that’s great. It has helped us take on new careers, learn new skills, and gain new levels of strength and confidence.

But independence has also broken older forms of connection that bonded women together, and helped us feel we shared a common experience and a common strength. We don’t chat over back fences anymore, or keep an eye on our neighbor’s children when we are hanging out the wash. When we lose too many connections, our ability to handle stress is weakened, and we may not know how to reconnect anymore.

The power of support

I’ve been thinking about this topic for a few weeks now, because it was brought home to me in a very real way. I recently went through a minor health crisis, and a friend of mine didn’t say, “let me know if there’s something I can do.” (That’s probably what I would have said, feeling totally inept.)

She asked, “Would you like me to come with you?” And she did, and she stayed and continued coming and staying through it all. Just having that friendship and support knocked my stress level down, gave me courage, and even allowed me to not always be brave. It changed everything about how I was feeling, and woke me up to the power of a real friend.

Another friend knocked on my door and said “I brought you dinner.” Friends far away sent encouragement and love. Some I hadn’t seen in many years, but I was uplifted because I still have a place in their lives.

Practicing the art of friendship

A good way to reconnect with the people we value in our lives is to practice friendship in an active way. Just like practicing meditation or the piano, our ability to be a friend and recognize friendship opportunities gets better the more we do it. The more genuine connections we make, the better we can handle stress.

Psychologist and author Irene Levine, Ph.D. reports that friendships for women have been shown to lower our blood pressure, reduce cholesterol, and increase longevity. Just as importantly, she says, friendships help us define ourselves, and understand who we are.

As we get older and more involved with our families, and the stress of grown-up life, it can also become harder to keep friendships from being set aside. We’re all so busy, and everything else seems to take up so much time. So what are some things we can do to encourage each other and make friendship a priority?

Turn to a friend for a healthy-life buddy.  Whether it is meeting for a regular walk, or taking a yoga class together, the shared experience keeps you both on track, and reinforces that you deserve time to take care of yourselves.

Schedule friendship time. The cliché of “let’s get together sometime” quickly devolves into months or years going by without that lunch or coffee we promised to have together. Write it in your agenda. That also keeps you feeling more upbeat, because it gives you something specific to look forward to.

Interact in more depth. Social media is a terrific way to keep in touch with people at a distance, or who you don’t have a chance to see often. But solely relying on what you and others share is not enough. Make it a priority to connect with friends more directly, in person if you can. We can’t always see the people we care about, but we still shouldn’t let a few clicks replace a phone call or letter now and then.

Be alert and aware, so you can be a better friend. If you haven’t heard from a friend in a while, don’t ignore it. Everyone has stresses we don’t know about, and a friendly word may be exactly what they need.

It is easy for friendships to take a back seat in our busy lives. Make it a priority to be a friend, and you will find those people willing to be a real friend to you as well.

Reference: http://life.gaiam.com/article/power-friendship

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Does the idea of a vacation simply cause you more stress? Do you think about all the extra hours you have to work to finish deadlines before you go? Then there are the tourist crowds, airport lines, a crazy busy activity list, and the expense of hotel stays. Maybe you need a real getaway from the hassle of traditional “vacation” stress, by taking a short retreat instead.

What makes a retreat different from simply getting away? The first thing that comes to mind is the quiet. A good retreat center offers you a place where you don’t need to do anything, you can simply be. No to do list, no barrage of noise, and depending on how removed from the world you want to be, sometimes no Wi-Fi or cell phone coverage. You can’t bring your job with you to a retreat. That’s part of the idea.

A retreat can last a day, a weekend, or longer. First time retreat goers are sometimes surprised at how refreshed they feel in a short time. One good day of quiet in a lovely environment can relieve weeks of stress…even the fun-stress of a week at a theme park or on the road with your kids.

Finding your best get-away

To get the most from your experience, retreats come in a variety of styles. Look for a retreat where you would be most comfortable, and which is best apt to help you relieve whatever stress you have. Here are a few options:

Faith based retreats can be either guided retreats with a simple structure of prayer or meditation times, or totally independent. Some centers offer the help of a spiritual adviser to get you started and help you along, or they can simply provide a spiritual atmosphere where you can participate as you please. Many centers offer all these choices, so every visitor’s experience may be uniquely their own.

Yoga retreats usually incorporate group sessions of physical yoga exercise with periods of guided meditation. In between sessions, attendees can spend time walking, meditating on their own, or simply enjoying the stillness.

Seminar style retreats are the least independent, and least quiet. Usually led by a speaker or spiritual leader, they tend to focus on opening up new ways of thinking for participants. They often involve a number of presentations, followed by group activities for listeners to try out some of the new tools they have learned.

Totally self-styled quiet retreats are offered by a number of retreat houses which are not affiliated with any outside organizations. They offer no programs or guidance, but a lot of peace and quiet, in a more rustic and removed atmosphere than a standard hotel. The simple rooms and food, limited amenities and no maid service, also tend to make them less expensive than hotels.

How do you find a retreat center?

If you belong to a faith tradition, checking within your local organization is an excellent place to start. Most religious retreat centers can be found in lists by faith. It is important to remember, though, that you do not need to be a member of any organized religion to attend most of their retreat centers. You just need to be comfortable being in that particular environment, and respectful of where you are.

Check near your home. If you don’t have much time, you might do well to look for a retreat center within easy driving distance. Some centers offer “quiet days,” where all you have to do is register, attend, and absorb the silence. And they might only be minutes away.

Find a beautiful spot you feel will refresh you. Maybe you’ve always wanted to see the red rocks in Sedona, Arizona. Or some mountain top hide-out with a 360 degree view. My favorite retreat house is on the coast of Maine. Wherever it is, spending time in nature (without the discomfort of tents, or fellow campers who brought their TVs), is good for your stress levels and your soul.

Try the internet. The web is full of listings for retreat centers, by location, by faith or activity style, and other choices. Look carefully over their offerings. If a center defines itself as a “corporate retreat center and resort,” it is probably not geared for a lot of spiritual contemplation. Then check out any references or recommendations from people on the web, and from people you know.

See if the retreat center has a purpose. To get the most out of your retreat, look for a center that shares the worldview or spiritual atmosphere you want to experience. As an example, here is what the website for the Marie Joseph Spiritual Center says they endeavor to provide:

Vision Statement

“A Sacred Space” for persons seeking to encounter God in solitude, in stillness, in the beauty of nature, in the healing rhythm of the ocean and in the presence of a praying Community.”

(From http://mariejosephspiritual.org/ )

When you need to relieve your stress, a day spent in any such healing environment might do you a world of good.

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