Tag: stress management techniques
Declare Your Independence From Stress

Declare Your Independence From Stress

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stress freeIn the U.S. July 4th is our national holiday, Independence Day. As well as its historical significance, it has the distinction of being the least stressful holiday we have all year. There is no stress of big meals to fix, no frantic shopping, no worrisome winter travel, and we celebrate it by lounging around outside, maybe barbecuing, and watching fireworks. Once a year we just relax.

For some reason this year, I started thinking about the impact of personal independence on how we respond to stress. Independence requires a certain amount of self reliance, courage, and strength, both of body and will. Independence grows out of a sense of confidence, resilience and personal power. The more confident and empowered we become, the more our independence grows, and the less power we give to stress.

Five places to reclaim your independence…now.

1. Be independent from other people’s opinions. A driving need to please others can be a major source of stress for many people. There will always be people you don’t agree with, or critical people who want to judge how you look, act, cook, raise your children, or whatever else they have an opinion about.

It is nice to take action that you know will make people happy, but you simply can’t do it all the time. Other people really are responsible for their own happiness. You can help occasionally, and that adds to happiness in the world. But happiness is not even a goal for some people. They get too much pleasure from criticizing those around them. So, declare your independence from the negative opinions of others, and leave that stress behind.

2. Be independent from your To Do List. Yes, it is good to be organized, and having a “to do” list saves you the stress of forgetting important tasks. But your list is not your life. When you check things off, take a breather. Not having another urgent entry does not mean you aren’t needed. It means you can look at the world without an agenda for a change. You can see what‘s out there, be spontaneous. You can take some time to simply BE.

3. Be independent from worry.  As much as worrying feels like we’re doing something, all we are doing is causing ourselves more stress. Notice when worry starts creeping in, and ask yourself if there is some action you can take to solve the situation. If there is, go for it. You will feel far better if you face up to something that your inaction has caused you to worry about.

If there is nothing you can do today, declare your independence from fretting about it. If you need to check on it later, put in on some future day of your agenda, then tackle it as a task to accomplish, when the proper time comes.

4. Be independent from unhealthy food. Many of us have our little junk food addictions. So it might be time to remind yourself that you are in control of what you eat, not the other way around. Substances like refined sugar or over processed flour can cause cravings that would run your life if you let them. Declare your independence from the stress on your body of blood sugar run amok, or the lethargy that follows a sugar high. You have the power to feel better, if you take back your right to eat real food.

5. Be independent from some screen time. Television, computers, phones, whatever. The screens always seem to be calling for our attention, waiting for us to give them all our time. You don’t have to go cold turkey and give up technology for good. Just look up once and a while. Good outside. Take a walk. Take a friend to lunch.

In spite of what you think it they are telling you, your screens will not really miss you when you are gone. Declare your independence now and then, and let go of the stress of too much sitting, eye strain, advertising, and interrupted sleep. Your body will thank you in the long run.

These are just a few ideas of things we let have too much outside control in our lives. What are yours? Make your own list of whatever you’d like to let go of, at least once in a while, declare your independence and take a holiday from stress.

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How to Deal with the Stress of Life’s Big Events

How to Deal with the Stress of Life’s Big Events

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Spring is Celebratory drinkhere. Take a deep breath; a host of big life events could be just around the corner, with all sorts of new stresses to deal with. Maybe your teen is attending a first prom. Or you’re praying your college age children make it through spring break in one piece. How will you deal with the stress of graduations, seeing your kids come home, or leave home, and maybe the most stressful of all…planning for weddings in June?

Of course, not all life changes revolve around our children. Home sales crank up in the spring, and you might be considering a move, or trying to spruce up your house to sell. Or you might still be trying to get your taxes in under the wire.

We strive for picture perfect memories.  Many of life’s big moments are the ones we photograph and put in albums, to revisit again and again. So it is easy to overdo our expectations. We want everyone to look happy, and everything to work out as we’ve planned.

The more we build up our expectations, however, the more apt we are to stress about making them happen, and the more disappointed we can become. Even more importantly, we can miss the joy and wonder of the present moment if we are too focused on an ideal in our heads.

Focus on people more than the process. Remind yourself at the beginning of any big plans that the event is about the people, not perfect outfits, and precision timing. If you look at photos years down the road, it is the people you shared the moment with that make the memories so special. Besides, one of the pleasures of sharing pictures is to laugh at how funny everyone’s clothes look now.

Enjoy being on the sidelines. As our children grow up, it can be hard to let go of wanting to guide and protect them. But when we participate in our children’s rites of passage, it is essential that we let them be the star. Just because all their attention is wrapped up in the excitement, that doesn’t mean you’ve been pushed aside. They feel your support just because you are with them. They will turn to you when they need you, but they also need to make choices on their own.

Stepping back graciously gives you an opportunity to bask in a moment you will never have again. You can witness how beautiful, competent, and strong your child has become, and simply relish sharing their special day.

Take charge of your own life changes. Our own life changes can be something we planned for, or from news or opportunities that arrive out of the blue. The loss of a job, or the offer of a better one, the call of new places, the birth of a child…all depend on us to take charge of a new situation. When we take charge, we gain personal power, and more power equals less stress.

Other people will no doubt offer their opinions, but you cause yourself extra stress if you try to please everyone around you. You can be caring and gracious, but your life path is still you own. When you embrace the responsibility of your own choices, you release the stress of other people’s judgments, and can be happier with the decisions you make.

It’s OK to hire a pro. Whether it is a wedding planner or a realtor who can stage your home to sell, help and advice from a professional can take a load of stress off your shoulders. There are pros available for every budget, so doing everything yourself might not be as much of a bargain as you might expect.

Guidance from an appropriate professional can also act as a buffer against a barrage of opinions from those around you. You still make the decisions, but you will be better informed, and have some extra hands to help with the work.

Make a decision that your life events are meant to be fun and cherished, and refuse to let stress get in the way. Then simply enjoy the ride.

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Release Your Stress and Anxiety About Tomorrow: 5 Little Steps to Start Today

Release Your Stress and Anxiety About Tomorrow: 5 Little Steps to Start Today

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smiling_womanWhether we stress about how to afford our kids’ college, are anxious about aging, or are afraid we’ll look dumpy at our high school reunion; we can save ourselves a lot of worry about the future by taking little steps today. Even if you don’t typically procrastinate, many of us check off our to-do list of daily tasks, but avoid issues that worry us most because we can’t quite face them yet. And when we don’t face them, the stress gets a little bigger every day.

Most life changes happen one minute at a time. Sudden, life changing events do happen which can forever alter our future. But most changes happen while we’re not paying much attention, especially when we are busy dealing with the stress of our daily routine. We may gain a pound here and there, or put a few too many lunches on a credit card. We may say we’ll start saving for retirement someday…when we have more money or time.

Then one day we look in the mirror, or at our bank statement and wonder what the heck happened. We feel doubly stressed because the future has hit us, and we find ourselves unprepared.

Time is on your side. Trying to make up for lost time can feel impossible. But little changes made early don’t take much effort at all. Instead, you can release your stress and anxiety, and let time do the heavy work for you. None of these are new ideas. We just may not always realize how beneficial little changes are.

1) The 100 calorie trick.  If a few pounds have crept up on you, but you hate the idea of dieting, consider simply letting go of 100 calories a day. This could be half a latte or soda, one less tablespoon of salad dressing or pat of butter, or just a little less of something you can’t live without.

The math never lies. 3500 calories of food intake equals a pound of body fat, no matter what it is you eat. So 100 less calories a day will be close to a pound lost in a month, that you would hardly notice missing from your mouth. The change is slow, but you could lose over 10 pounds in a year, and save yourself the stress over how you’ll look for any number of special occasions.

2) Lift weights to save your bones, and keep you strong. The threat of bone loss is a worry for a lot of women, but beyond taking calcium they may have few ideas how to prevent it. Happily, research has shown that lifting even small weights builds bone mass, and may be our best protection against osteoporosis in our future.

If your schedule is too hectic to fit in going to the gym, you can do a lot at home with leg weights and barbells. Check out the excellent book, Strong Women Strong Bones, by Miriam Nelson and Sarah Wernick, Ph.D, for easy exercises and information. Daily activities like carrying groceries or kids will be far easier as you get a little stronger every day.

3) Pay a little more on everything you owe. If you have a mortgage, car payment, or credit card debt, chances are you can’t pay a chunk of money toward lessening your debt load. But chances are you can pay a little extra every month. Especially on high interest credit cards, this can save you a lot of interest charges, and remove the stress of owing so much. Your mortgage may also allow you to pay extra money to your principal whenever you want. Over the life of a 30 loan, the money you save could be significant.

4) Automatic savings. It can be hard to commit to saving for retirement or college tuition when it seems so far away. But that is exactly when you can gain the most from small amounts you put aside. There are plenty of calculations that show the younger you are when you start saving, the less actual money you have to save, and the more money you will accumulate over time.

If you are lucky enough to have a 401K or other plan where your employer matches a portion of your contribution, then extra money is there for you to take for free. If your budget is tight, you could still probably contribute a small amount without missing it much. You can always increase your savings later, and your nest egg will already be established and beginning to grow.

5) Create a habit of meditation. We tend to think of meditation as a way to deal with the stress we face now. But the more we practice, the better we get, and the more our practice makes us resistant to stress. Whatever the future holds for us, we will be more resilient and emotionally strong from the benefits meditation brings.

Overall, taking little steps now helps us drop a lot of our worries about the future; because we can take comfort that we are doing what we can to be prepared. We can look forward to a future where we are leaner, stronger, wealthier and more serene.

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Can’t Sleep? How to Break the Sleepless Stress Cycle

Can’t Sleep? How to Break the Sleepless Stress Cycle

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sleepingDo you feel stressed when you can’t sleep? If so, you probably know the more stress you feel, the harder it is for sleep to come. And the less you sleep the more stress you feel. A lack of sleep does more than just make us groggy and crabby the next day. Sleep deprivation actually causes physical changes in our bodies which increase our levels of stress, while decreasing our stress resistance.

How can we break this sleepless stress cycle? One good place to start is to consider changing our attitudes about sleep, and whether or not we are giving it the respect it deserves.

Sleep is not just another item on your agenda.

Have you ever thought, “I’m too busy; I don’t have time to sleep?” Or do you routinely keep pushing yourself until you almost fall over, before you’ll go to bed?

If you go to bed resenting the time sleep takes from your busy life, you actually sabotage how effectively you can manage your day. We need to be relaxed before we can move into the delta brain wave state of truly deep sleep. And deep sleep is what rebuilds our bodies and our minds, and protects us from more stress in the future.

Studies have shown that a lack of deep delta sleep causes our bodies to produce more cortisol, the stress hormone. Cortisol, in turn, continues adding to our stress levels for days to come, and even makes us fat.

Instead of attacking sleep as a task on your must-do list, appreciate it as a precious gift, designed to boost your mood, your health, and your productivity. Sleep may extend how long you live, and ensure that your years are vital ones.

Sleep is not an indulgence.

I once had a boss who scolded us junior managers, “Four hours of sleep is all you need.” We bleary eyed underlings were too exhausted to even respond.

Both in business and family life, there are plenty of people ready to label you as self-indulgent, or who expect you to demonstrate your loyalty by working around the clock. Don’t buy it. Their stress inducing, manipulative behavior can cause you to lose far more than sleep…like perhaps your sanity.

Modern society encourages the view that sleep is only for the weak or the lazy. We see this in the 24 hour shifts interns work in hospitals, or the over-scheduling of airline pilots and long-haul truckers. Some airlines and hospitals are finally getting the message that the consequences of this attitude can be costly, or even tragic. Luckily, the subway train which ran up an airport escalator when the driver fell asleep last month caused no fatal injuries. Not all cases end that well.

Stand up for your right to sleep, and take back control of your life. When you let go of the stress of other people’s demands, your energy and alertness will improve, and you can find brighter days.

Create a calming routine, and a calming space.

Treating sleep with respect encourages you to create a more stress-free sleep environment, where you can unwind, maybe meditate, and leave your day behind. Calming behaviors like eating less at night, turning off your computer or TV sooner, or listening to soothing music may also help you get the rest you need.

In the end, better sleep equals less stress, and less stress equals better sleep. For once there is a cycle that is good for you, and will help you lead a happier, more stress free life.

Fighting chronic insomnia? In my next article, we’ll explore how chronic insomnia is different from occasional sleepiness, and how it is linked to stress and depression.

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How to Use Self Hypnosis to Relieve Stress

How to Use Self Hypnosis to Relieve Stress

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BeautyDo you experience stress from specific problems you just don’t know how to solve? If so, you might consider adding a little self-hypnosis to your arsenal of stress fighting weapons. Self-hypnosis can relieve stress much like meditation. It starts out with deep breathing and an awareness of the present moment. But whereas meditation seems to invoke our spiritual nature, self-hypnosis is especially suited to fix practical problems in our day to day physical world.

No hocus-pocus here.

Some people shy away from the idea of self-hypnosis because of “hypnotist” stage acts, which seem to delight in embarrassing audience members to their everlasting remorse. Self-hypnosis, in contrast, is far from silly and is totally under your control. If you’ve ever practiced Conscious Relaxation exercises, then you have already experienced the basic idea.

When we are in deep state of relaxation, our minds are more receptive to suggestions that help us modify our behavior or approach problems without fear. Things we wish we could change about ourselves or our circumstances can cause us a lot of stress if we feel we can’t fix them. Among popular uses for self-hypnosis you’ll find weight loss, stopping smoking, getting out of debt, or overcoming a fear public speaking, flying, or even asking your boss for a raise.

I have been doing self-hypnosis off and on since I was a pudgy teenager in a skinny world. It works well to change habits, deal with anger, or even to experience really deep muscle relaxation after a walk or yoga. I also meditate, and at least for me, there is a real physical difference I can feel between the two practices. So, I’ll use my own experience to see if I can set them apart.

Self-hypnosis focuses your attention of the sensation of your body as you feel it unwind.

As I mentioned above, self-hypnosis begins with slow, deep breathing, with instructions to relax. You can use guided hypnosis recordings, or simply think the suggestions to yourself.

After a moment or two of conscious breathing, you begin to instruct different parts of your body to relax even further. Starting from your feet and working up to your head, you tell yourself that each part of you feels heavier and heavier, and you allow yourself to experience this feeling of weight. You are very aware of your body. You might feel you are melting into the floor or the ground, becoming a part of the earth itself. Feel the sensation of relaxing your muscles, your skin, your blood vessels, and every part of you. You may even feel as if your entire body is just dissolving away.

A common technique while relaxing this way is to count backwards, mentally assigning a number to each part of your body as it continues to sink down. After you’ve practiced this for a while, the counting alone will relax your body without any additional cues. Leave your head for the last, as it is the hardest part of yourself to quiet down. You can repeat the final number as many times as you need to for your head to get with the program.

Only when your body is totally relaxed do you offer suggestions of how to change your life.

I can’t attest that this is true for everyone, but for me self-hypnosis relaxes my body more than meditation, while meditation is more relaxing to my mind. That doesn’t mean that self-hypnosis doesn’t relax my anxieties or feelings of stress. But conscious relaxation does not require the mind to be still. It just becomes so absorbed in the body’s relaxation that it doesn’t stray far away.

After your body is fully relaxed, you can begin to introduce ideas to change your stress causing behaviors. Something like, “My favorite foods are healthy and fresh. I enjoy how much better I feel when I eat less,” or, “I feel calm and prepared to speak before an audience. I am confident in my ability to speak, and I enjoy giving valuable information to others.”

Keep your suggestions positive.

I have tried self-hypnosis tapes which encouraged a form of aversion therapy, forming negative images of things like sweets or cigarettes which you want to avoid. I don’t personally recommend that idea.

Self-hypnosis will only let your thoughts take you where you really want to go. If you create icky images to associate with something you want to remove from your life, those negative thoughts stick with you. If you make them too revolting, you might decide to throw out your improvement program rather than the habit you want to change.

Picturing positive images of the change you want to see is far more appealing, and will draw you toward the action or situation you want to achieve.

So how are hypnotic suggestions different from daily affirmations?

It is really the deep level of physical relaxation that makes the difference. Affirmations can play easily in the background of your day, and you can say them as often as you choose to. Affirmations and self-hypnosis don’t interfere with each other. Your conscious mind hears your affirmations, while, the experts tell us, self-hypnosis has a better chance of being heard by your subconscious mind.

Return to full alertness with a recorded tone, or by counting up from 1 to 10.

Self hypnosis recordings are especially helpful if you fear you’ll fall asleep. With or without them, you set your intention to return awake and refreshed, count forward again, and stretch your body back to life. You should find your muscles far less kinked and your mind less stressed and ready to take charge.

If you use recordings, be sure and find a guiding voice that you enjoy. Recently I have begun using brain entrainment music containing self-hypnotic messages, and I am very impressed. The music is lovely, and the voice especially soothing. I’ll let you know in a few months if I make new progress.

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