Tag: how to deal with stress
How to Deal with the Stress of Life’s Big Events

How to Deal with the Stress of Life’s Big Events

By |

Spring is Celebratory drinkhere. Take a deep breath; a host of big life events could be just around the corner, with all sorts of new stresses to deal with. Maybe your teen is attending a first prom. Or you’re praying your college age children make it through spring break in one piece. How will you deal with the stress of graduations, seeing your kids come home, or leave home, and maybe the most stressful of all…planning for weddings in June?

Of course, not all life changes revolve around our children. Home sales crank up in the spring, and you might be considering a move, or trying to spruce up your house to sell. Or you might still be trying to get your taxes in under the wire.

We strive for picture perfect memories.  Many of life’s big moments are the ones we photograph and put in albums, to revisit again and again. So it is easy to overdo our expectations. We want everyone to look happy, and everything to work out as we’ve planned.

The more we build up our expectations, however, the more apt we are to stress about making them happen, and the more disappointed we can become. Even more importantly, we can miss the joy and wonder of the present moment if we are too focused on an ideal in our heads.

Focus on people more than the process. Remind yourself at the beginning of any big plans that the event is about the people, not perfect outfits, and precision timing. If you look at photos years down the road, it is the people you shared the moment with that make the memories so special. Besides, one of the pleasures of sharing pictures is to laugh at how funny everyone’s clothes look now.

Enjoy being on the sidelines. As our children grow up, it can be hard to let go of wanting to guide and protect them. But when we participate in our children’s rites of passage, it is essential that we let them be the star. Just because all their attention is wrapped up in the excitement, that doesn’t mean you’ve been pushed aside. They feel your support just because you are with them. They will turn to you when they need you, but they also need to make choices on their own.

Stepping back graciously gives you an opportunity to bask in a moment you will never have again. You can witness how beautiful, competent, and strong your child has become, and simply relish sharing their special day.

Take charge of your own life changes. Our own life changes can be something we planned for, or from news or opportunities that arrive out of the blue. The loss of a job, or the offer of a better one, the call of new places, the birth of a child…all depend on us to take charge of a new situation. When we take charge, we gain personal power, and more power equals less stress.

Other people will no doubt offer their opinions, but you cause yourself extra stress if you try to please everyone around you. You can be caring and gracious, but your life path is still you own. When you embrace the responsibility of your own choices, you release the stress of other people’s judgments, and can be happier with the decisions you make.

It’s OK to hire a pro. Whether it is a wedding planner or a realtor who can stage your home to sell, help and advice from a professional can take a load of stress off your shoulders. There are pros available for every budget, so doing everything yourself might not be as much of a bargain as you might expect.

Guidance from an appropriate professional can also act as a buffer against a barrage of opinions from those around you. You still make the decisions, but you will be better informed, and have some extra hands to help with the work.

Make a decision that your life events are meant to be fun and cherished, and refuse to let stress get in the way. Then simply enjoy the ride.

If you enjoyed this article, we’d love to hear from you. And please share it on your favorite social media channel.
Can’t Sleep? How to Break the Sleepless Stress Cycle

Can’t Sleep? How to Break the Sleepless Stress Cycle

By |

sleepingDo you feel stressed when you can’t sleep? If so, you probably know the more stress you feel, the harder it is for sleep to come. And the less you sleep the more stress you feel. A lack of sleep does more than just make us groggy and crabby the next day. Sleep deprivation actually causes physical changes in our bodies which increase our levels of stress, while decreasing our stress resistance.

How can we break this sleepless stress cycle? One good place to start is to consider changing our attitudes about sleep, and whether or not we are giving it the respect it deserves.

Sleep is not just another item on your agenda.

Have you ever thought, “I’m too busy; I don’t have time to sleep?” Or do you routinely keep pushing yourself until you almost fall over, before you’ll go to bed?

If you go to bed resenting the time sleep takes from your busy life, you actually sabotage how effectively you can manage your day. We need to be relaxed before we can move into the delta brain wave state of truly deep sleep. And deep sleep is what rebuilds our bodies and our minds, and protects us from more stress in the future.

Studies have shown that a lack of deep delta sleep causes our bodies to produce more cortisol, the stress hormone. Cortisol, in turn, continues adding to our stress levels for days to come, and even makes us fat.

Instead of attacking sleep as a task on your must-do list, appreciate it as a precious gift, designed to boost your mood, your health, and your productivity. Sleep may extend how long you live, and ensure that your years are vital ones.

Sleep is not an indulgence.

I once had a boss who scolded us junior managers, “Four hours of sleep is all you need.” We bleary eyed underlings were too exhausted to even respond.

Both in business and family life, there are plenty of people ready to label you as self-indulgent, or who expect you to demonstrate your loyalty by working around the clock. Don’t buy it. Their stress inducing, manipulative behavior can cause you to lose far more than sleep…like perhaps your sanity.

Modern society encourages the view that sleep is only for the weak or the lazy. We see this in the 24 hour shifts interns work in hospitals, or the over-scheduling of airline pilots and long-haul truckers. Some airlines and hospitals are finally getting the message that the consequences of this attitude can be costly, or even tragic. Luckily, the subway train which ran up an airport escalator when the driver fell asleep last month caused no fatal injuries. Not all cases end that well.

Stand up for your right to sleep, and take back control of your life. When you let go of the stress of other people’s demands, your energy and alertness will improve, and you can find brighter days.

Create a calming routine, and a calming space.

Treating sleep with respect encourages you to create a more stress-free sleep environment, where you can unwind, maybe meditate, and leave your day behind. Calming behaviors like eating less at night, turning off your computer or TV sooner, or listening to soothing music may also help you get the rest you need.

In the end, better sleep equals less stress, and less stress equals better sleep. For once there is a cycle that is good for you, and will help you lead a happier, more stress free life.

Fighting chronic insomnia? In my next article, we’ll explore how chronic insomnia is different from occasional sleepiness, and how it is linked to stress and depression.

If you found this article helpful, please leave us a comment below. And we really appreciate you sharing us with your social media friends.
How to Deal With the Stress of a New Boss

How to Deal With the Stress of a New Boss

By |

Resolving-Frustration-in-Your-LifeThere’s nothing quite like the stress of a new boss to turn your world upside down. One day you’re doing great in a job you love, praised and appreciated by a boss you respect; then suddenly you may find yourself reporting to someone who wonders why you’re taking up company space.

It doesn’t matter what the cause is. Your beloved boss could have been promoted, or your company could have been sold, resulting in massive upper level layoffs or reorganizations from the top. Whatever the reason, the stress you feel can be enormous. You have no idea where you stand, and are pretty certain you’ll have to prove yourself all over again.

Breathe deep, and reserve judgment until you have the facts.

The first thing you will probably feel is a sense of loss. You are going to miss your old boss and the working relationship you had, and it is okay to admit that. Rather than let that loss cause you stress, be grateful for all you learned from your old leader’s guidance, and how much you’ve grown in your job.

If you have never met your new boss before, or know little of her background, don’t start to panic over imagined outcomes. Find an opportunity to thank your old boss, and if you hear a heartfelt, “you’re going to like her,” about his replacement, then you know things will be okay.

If your old boss can’t provide any insights, it is important not to listen to gossip about the change. Gossip only causes more stress and anxiety. Focus on your inner capabilities, take extra care to meditate or do calming exercises, and reserve your opinions until you hear from your new boss directly. You might be pleasantly surprised.

Understand that your new boss might be as apprehensive as you are.

I’ve been on both side of this situation, multiple times. So, I can tell you your new boss may also be a little nervous about meeting new subordinates, especially if there are a lot of you. She will want to appear competent and worthy of the position, but also to assess how to best smooth the transition from one leadership style to another. If your new boss values positive work relationships, she will probably take steps herself to put her employees as ease, relieving a lot of workplace stress for everyone.

Take some time to fully understand what your new boss expects. How does she like things done, how does she prefer to interact with her employees? Honest communication right away will help you avoid a lot of future stress, and smooth the way for a solid working relationship.

Before meeting your new boss, be well prepared, so you remain confident and calm.

When you meet your new boss for the first time, you want to appear friendly and competent. So it is important that you release your stress before the meeting starts. If your work environment is well organized and your work projects running smoothly, the more confident you will feel about your abilities and the contribution you make. Add repeated moments of deep breathing and stillness throughout your day, and you will be calm and ready to welcome whatever comes.

What if your new boss really does turn out to be a nightmare?

I am sorry to say, it happens. Sometimes your new boss is everything you’ve ever worried about, wrapped up in one awful human being. Oddly, this type of boss may not make you feel stressed right away. Instead, you may only feel stunned, or irrelevant. So, if you find yourself working for a dragon lady or an insensitive thug, you need to build up your internal resources, and fast.

You may feel a lot of stress trying to make this person happy. Or you may feel stress if you realize your work environment is no longer somewhere you want to stay. That second kind of stress, however, allows you to make decisions, and decisions give you power. Making new decisions about your future is so powerful, that you may physically feel the stress subside and new inner strength appear.

Take time to be centered.

Meditation or centering prayer can lead you to a better understanding of your heart’s desire, and give you guidance on what actions you should take. You may choose to talk with your Human Resources department about a different position in the same company. You may decide to explore a new career, or you may decide to wait it out, in case this boss moves on.

Calming, strengthening exercise like yoga or tai chi can boost your inner confidence, and remind you that how resilient you are. Music and healthy food can nourish you and remind you that you have a better role in life to play.

Even bad bosses give us something to be thankful for. If you are already a boss yourself, you’ll be a better one. Or you may be inspired to move up and become the kind of leader you wish you had. Bad bosses can be stressful, but they are not something we can’t overcome.

If you found this article helpful, please let us know. And, we love it when your share us with your favorite social media friends.
How to Deal with the Stress of Changes at Work

How to Deal with the Stress of Changes at Work

By |

Changes in our work routine or responsibilities can be a significant source of stress in our lives. But luckily, a great deal of how we deal with the stress of change is almost entirely in our own hands. Sure we may not have had a voice in the decision to make changes, or control of implementation, but we do have total control over how we decide to react.

Any change, whether at work or in our home life, pushes us out of our comfort zone, and into the stress of the unknown. New technology, new work assignments, or new work groups can make us anxious about our ability to adapt to new procedures and personalities. Or we may feel angry because we don’t understand what was wrong with the way things were.

Social scientists call this stress “change resistance,” and it’s nothing new. We’ve been experiencing change since we stopped scooting along the floor and decided to stand up and learn to walk. We adapt to some changes right away, others we resist, and we generally resist the ones we don’t control. We may not have been happy about our parents trying to encourage us to stand upright, but walking was pretty cool when we decided it was our idea.

Take a long view of the change’s benefits.

Most businesses are not going to initiate some major reorganization or invest in new technology without the promise of greater productivity, improved quality or a stronger role in their market. If you remember that your own job security depends on your company doing well, then you can be encouraged that the changes are to benefit the owners and workforce as well.

If you can keep a clear picture in your mind of how this change will eventually improve or enhance your job, it will help you get through the little hurdles and awkwardness of learning something new. When you embrace the change and stay positive, your attitude will be contagious and your coworkers feel more positive as well.

Think back to what your job was like without some of the innovations you rely on every day.

Have you had to repeatedly learn new computer systems in your job? Or maybe your company expanded its line of products. If any of us look back at the start of our careers we might feel like it should be in a museum. If we had the chance, it is doubtful many of us would want to go back to the way things really used to be.

How you deal with the stress of change demonstrates your ability to adapt.

Do you want to advance in the company you work for? Or maybe move on to more responsibility somewhere else. Either way, a proven track record of adapting well to change is something supervisors look for, and could eventually land you a better job.

Another skill companies are always looking for is the ability to train other employees. If you remain enthusiastic about the changes, and can explain them to those around you, your bosses have a better chance to picture you in a leadership role.

Leave the naysayers behind.

There will always be negative people in any organization. If it was not this new change that they don’t like, it would be something else. You already know these people. They are always unhappy about something, and they spread stress wherever they go. Whatever benefits the changes at work bring, they will never see them, so it is better to simply shake off their complaints.

Change may be stressful at first glance, but change is what keeps us growing. Even if we’re pretty smart, we can’t think up all the good ideas ourselves. We need new ideas from other people to keep ourselves alert and motivated, and to spur our own creative thought. In the end, the more we flexible we are about workplace changes, the less day to day stress we will feel.

Celebrate how far you’ve come.

Sometimes we can cause ourselves more stress about upcoming changes because we fail to give ourselves credit for all we have already accomplished. We grew up…that wasn’t easy. We learned to read, drive a car, and do a thousand other things. Why do we always seem to feel that this time the change will overwhelm us?

Take some deep breaths and remind yourself how far you have come. Changes at work are just one in a long series, and you will grow with them as you have everything else. You can do this. You always have.

If you found this article helpful, please leave us a comment, and share us on your favorite social media.
Sticking With a Stress Free Life Sometimes Means Starting Over

Sticking With a Stress Free Life Sometimes Means Starting Over

By |

I just saw an email article about “backsliding.” It looked catchy, but now it’s lost somewhere in the enormity of unread mail. I could stress about missing it, but hey, life goes on. Stress happens when we think we’re supposed to have everything under control, and we beat ourselves up getting off track.

As humans we are not always good at sticking to a plan, or following through on our good intentions. We start diets, exercise plans, home improvement projects, and even new jobs full of vigor and enthusiasm. But just as often we give up because we think we slipped up, or we get discouraged and quit because our results are too slow or not what we expected. So we go back to mindless munching, hanging clothes on the exercycle, and try to ignore the sheetrock dust.

“One step forward, two steps back” is still better than no steps at all.

Trying to develop healthy eating habits is one of the hardest lifestyle changes for people to make, and a cause of a lot of stress when we don’t live up to our new standards. Instead of congratulating ourselves for three healthy meals, we let the midnight cookies make us believe all our plans are ruined. We might as well just give up, we think, because our efforts are all wasted now.

Better to take the advice of Scarlet O’Hara. Tomorrow is always another day, and any good action is a positive move, even in a string of bad choices. The more good choices we make, the easier they are to become a habit, even if a few bad moves are still included in the mix. Life is long enough for lots of starting over and the more you do it, the better you’ll get.

Don’t try to change your world all at once.

Intelligent diet books will tell you not to try a new food plan at the same time you quit smoking, or try to change some other unhealthy habit. Overcoming addictions is stressful, and you need all your inner support to do each one. Conquering one bad habit will give you more confidence to rid yourself of the next one, so give yourself the opportunity to change one thing at a time.

Recognize when you have too much on your plate.

It is not just our menus that get overloaded. If you have had a daily routine of tasks, like checking your email, that suddenly seems coming apart, maybe you just have too much on your agenda. Take a look at what you can do without, and prioritize what matters to you. Building even a mental “to do” list, with more than you can accomplish, just builds more and more stress into your day.

Decide what you really want, and focus on what matters.

You may still want a remodeled bathroom, but unless installing tile is a talent you’re dying to cultivate, hire someone else to do it, and get your half finished mess off the floor. You may think unfinished tasks don’t annoy you, but they do generate stress every time you look at them, whether you verbalize it or not.

Look around your house or office for unfinished projects that may be creating stress in your environment. If you need to reboot your filing system, or give away some household junk, do whatever it takes to create a more enjoyable space. Then you can start each day fresh, without those particular stressors nipping at your mind.

Life is not perfect, and neither are we.

Getting sidetracked is not the same as failure. And even if it was, many highly successful people will tell you that failure is good. It is how we learn what works and what doesn’t.

“Failing” to accomplish what we started can happen for lots of reasons. Maybe it just wasn’t that important to us, or maybe there are just so many new and exciting things to do that we can’t do everything we’d like to.

Whatever the reason, backsliding does not make you a bad person. It only makes you human. Not every day needs to have the same choices, so don’t fault yourself when you change your mind. Go out there and explore. Try new things, set new goals. If your choices aren’t ones you want to stick with, you can always turn around. You can always start again.

If you’ve enjoyed this article, please share us on your favorite social media, and leave us a comment below.